The Ideal Husband

Read again slowly and carefully the words of Paul. According to these words, the ideal husband is the Christian husband. The ideal husband is the man who knows his place in the home, loves his wife, keeps her, and cleaves unto her.

1924 John H. C. Fritz Walther League Messenger

Home in the Woods (1847) by Thomas Cole. A cabin in the White Mountains of New Hampshire.

The following article by John H. C. Fritz is taken from the December 1924 issue of the Walther League Messenger, Volume XXXIII, Number 5, on pp. 206 and 245. It is the third article in the series Questions of the Heart and Home and the companion piece to “The Ideal Wife”, which appeared in the January 1925 issue.

A young woman has her own ideal as to her future husband. To a certain extent she ought to have. A man who would make an ideal husband for one woman would not at all be an ideal husband for another woman. Husband and wife ought to be well matched, and, therefore, also certain personal likes and dislikes, and such things as temperament, must be given due consideration.

There are, however, certain underlying, essential principles which a Christian woman should not overlook when about to choose a husband; certain characteristics and qualifications which must be found in the ideal husband. And although propriety dictates that a young woman wait until she be asked to marry, she, finally, has the privilege of saying yes or no. After Abraham’s servant had gotten the consent of Rebekah’s parents, we read: “And they said, We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth. And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? and she said, I will go.” Gen. 24:57-58.

Is the beautiful man the ideal husband? Silly question! We speak of beautiful women, but who has ever heard of beautiful men? Young men are naturally attracted by the beauty of woman. God has made woman a beautiful creature, and, in spite of sin, she still is, providing that she gives due attention to bodily health and development, is not a fashion-plate, but dresses neatly and “tastily,” and does not use powder overmuch nor paint her face at all. But while man is attracted by the beauty of woman, woman is not attracted by the beauty of man. What woman looks for in man are manly qualities: a strong, sterling character, a healthy frame of body and mind, the ability to support a wife and children. It is not a good-looking man whom a woman desires to marry (which does not go to say that a man should pay no attention to his personal appearance), but a man whom a woman can respect. The sissified dude does not appeal to a real woman; she may permit such a one, for mere courtesy’s sake, to see her home from a party, but when she is about to marry she desires to marry a real man. Womanish men, as well as manish women, are an anomaly, and neither enjoys, nor merits, the respect of the other. But, after all, more than manly qualities are needed to make an ideal husband.

Is the wealthy man the ideal husband? Some will say at once, “This sounds more like it.” Many a young woman, no doubt, would like to marry a man of wealth, or at least one who has good prospects of becoming wealthy. Many a one thinks that such a man would make an ideal husband. It is true, economic and social conditions are far different today from what they were twenty-five to fifty years ago. In those days our young people began married life in a very humble way in a very humble home; they made no great demands as to housing conditions and dress and the conveniences of this life. Times and conditions, however, have changed. Money today is much more plentiful in this country than it ever has been before; and while it is true that the purchase value of the dollar is much less, this is more than balanced by the greatly increased amount of money in circulation and owned per capita. Modern inventions and improvements make life in the home far different from what it was in the days of our grandfathers and grandmothers. We may, therefore, rightly expect that greater demands are made by our young married people today than were made many years ago.

But we dare not forget that the lure of wealth and its temptations are also greater today than they formerly were. As a result unreasonable demands are often made on the part of young people, and some are inclined to think themselves unhappy if all their demands and wishes cannot be satisfied. Wealth, however, does not make for happiness. “Riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven.” Prov. 23, 5. Man can suddenly be deprived of all his wealth, and many a rich man has over night become poor. “He that trusteth in his riches shall fall.” Prov. 11, 28. “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold.” Prov. 22, 1. “Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain that we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.” 1 Tim. 6:6-9. Solomon wisely prayed: “Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: lest I be full, and deny Thee, and say, Who is the Lord? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain.” Prov. 30:8-9. “The love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” 1 Tim. 6, 10. In many palaces of the rich we find much misery, while in many humble cottages men and women live happy lives. So, after all, in order to be an ideal husband a man must have more than wealth, even though he would be a multi-millionaire.

Is a man of social standing the ideal husband? Social standing is, perhaps, as attractive, and also as delusive, as wealth is. People often make overmuch of their family connections and of their association with people of high rank in social, political, and business life. It is often taken for granted that the father’s mantle will eventually be worn by his son. The fact, however, is that an illustrious father seldom has an illustrious son: a father who has acquired world-wide fame usually has a son whose name is never mentioned outside of his own family and little community circle. Greatness is not inherited, but must be won by one’s own personal, determined, persistent, and sanctified effort and labor. To marry a young man on the credit which his father has would be foolhardy on the part of any young woman. But even the fact that the young man himself holds a high rank in the social, business, or political world, does not insure any real happiness as far as marriage is concerned; the very contrary may be, and often is, the case. That which makes of man an ideal husband must spring from an altogether different source.

A description of the ideal husband is given us by the Holy Spirit, speaking through Paul. We read: “The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, or his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” Eph. 5:23, 25-31.

Read again slowly and carefully the words of Paul. According to these words, the ideal husband is the Christian husband. The ideal husband is the man who knows his place in the home, loves his wife, keeps her, and cleaves unto her.

The husband is the head of the wife. This relation was not established by man, but by God. A Christian wife will honor God’s institution: she knows that it is for her own good and that setting aside or inverting God’s order always works harm. A Christian wife desires to have a husband upon whom she, as the weaker vessel, can lean and to whom she can always look up with respect. Also in this connection it may again be said that a woman desires to marry a real man.

The Christian husband loves his wife. The Christian husband’s love is not that natural love by which the sexes are attracted, nor that love which is the result of the impulse given by certain outward qualities and accomplishments, such as beauty, education, good manners, culinary efficiency, dress, and the like, but the Christian husband’s love is that love which springs from faith and which comes from a regenerated heart. The Christian husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church. Such a love is self-sacrificing, and such a love endures in sickness and misfortune and the trials of this life. If a Christian woman cannot expect that a man who proposes to her will show her such love, then she can know from the outset that with such a man she could not live happily.

The Christian husband nourishes, or keeps, his wife. The husband has the responsibility to provide for his wife and for his children. A woman may well inquire whether the man who asks her to be his wife can and is willing to support her. It would be sheer folly on the part of a woman, and she herself would be inviting her own unhappiness, if she would marry a man who could not or would not support her, and if she then herself would have to “go out” and earn her living and, perhaps, even support her husband. Nor should young married people rely upon their rich parents to support them, for no good can come of such an arrangement. A man who would marry should be able to establish and to keep his own home. Of the Christian husband the Psalmist says: “Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in His ways. For thou shalt eat the labor of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.” Psalm 128:1-3.

Marriage is not to be an experiment or venture in life. A woman should never risk marriage with any man. Marriage is much too sacred and much too important for that. In marriage a man and a woman are to be united for lifetime, and upon the right relation between them will not only depend their own happiness, and, indirectly, perhaps their salvation, but also, whether or not their home will serve the purpose of the Christian home in this world in its important and far-reaching relation to the church and to the state. Unless a man is willing to enter into marriage in the fear of God, a woman has no assurance that she can live a happy life with him.

Whenever a Christian young man who measures up to Paul’s description of a Christian husband, makes love to a Christian young woman, and if she - personal inclinations and peculiarities not forbidding a real match - can really love him; that is the man whom she ought to marry. When such a young man proposes to her, she ought not to say no, for she may not again be given an opportunity to say yes.

(In the January issue Dean Fritz will discuss: “The Ideal Wife.”)